Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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