I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
