Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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