I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
