mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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