I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
