fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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