Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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