over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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