talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
