I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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