so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
