Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
