R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
