My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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