On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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