In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
