you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
