Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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