Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
