I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
