Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
