I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
