I didn't shave. On purpose
You're like the curious george of whores
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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