capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
