Old men and throwing up are my life now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
