dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
only you would photoshop your dick
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
