My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn