Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..