Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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