wrigley field is MILF paradise
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
