My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.