I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
