Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
