When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
