Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
