My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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