Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
