M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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