I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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