I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
