guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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