I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
