there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
