just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
