I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
