I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
