I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
