Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
