I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
