Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
