nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just pee around me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
