Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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