My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
