He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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