she woke up with a sticky ear
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
50% drunk capacity currently
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
