Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
