haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
