hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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