but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
