the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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