One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
