I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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